it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
