Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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