I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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