i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
