finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
