So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
