you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
