I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
