She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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