You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
