turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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