I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
