I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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