Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
