I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
