Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
