my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize