I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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