OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
