the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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