I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
