I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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