i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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