My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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