saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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