Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
