I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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