so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
