Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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