I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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