I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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