I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
