I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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