Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
