In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
