I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
