pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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