Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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