Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
