i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize