Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
