would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
