I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
