I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
