Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
