Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
