i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
