I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
