this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i've created a new STD.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
