My liver just broke up with me...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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