a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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