I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
