I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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