cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
