I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize