Well douche your snatch and let's go!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
