no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
