i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
