Are we in a gay sports bar?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
