i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
