Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
