Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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