They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
