I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
