I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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