Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
