I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
