so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
