Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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