Apparently you make a good broom.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
