What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
