She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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