What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize