i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
