White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
